And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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