i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
