I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
