morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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