I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
