we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
