just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
