people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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