This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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