He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
