I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
