You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
