I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
