Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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