She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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