Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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