If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
