Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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