ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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