yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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