When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
