I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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