my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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