Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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