I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
