Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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