just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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