my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
