if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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