I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
