your parents love me but you hate me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
