Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
