I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
