i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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