i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
