I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
