Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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