i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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