my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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