She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
