People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Let's paint friendship bongs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
