her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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