none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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