I look better un-naked...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
