So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
