Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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