Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
