Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
