3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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