id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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