yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
