I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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