Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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