New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
