Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's paint friendship bongs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
