You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
