That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
