He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I sprained my soul last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
