went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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