i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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