when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize