I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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