Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
