hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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