just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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