You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
