your thong is hanging out like whoa
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
