Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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