I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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