I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
